I'm waiting for the train
The subway that only goes one way
The stupid thing that will come to pull us apart
And make everybody late
You spent everything you had
Wanted everything to stop that bad
And now I'm a crushed credit card registered to Smith
Not the name that you call me with
You turned white like a saint
I'm tired of dancing on a pot of gold flake paint
Oh, we're so very precious, you and I
And everything that you do makes me want to die
Oh, I just told the biggest lie
I just told the biggest lie
The biggest lie

elliot smith - the biggest lie

This is the most nostalgic, and I would say - depressed - time of year for me. It means memories of my youth and darkness and death and all the things that have come to make the ghost that lives within me. Its a familiar, comfortable - horribly painful place, and I love it. I hate it and I love it, and it is the only thing I have ever known is a friend. It agrees with me. It knows. I'm fucking doomed. I am doom incarnate.

And now I will sip my tea. For now I am a tea drinker and that is my solace and my peace of mind, on those rare occasions when I reach that plateau these days I relish in it. I love, I hate, I guilt, I am nostalgia.