Fuck, I forgot how painful it can be. I forgot how fast it can come back and like a black blanket of death, envelope me and suffocate me until there is no resort but grenades and bombs and weapons of heavy warfare that I let free to kill all the death in me. Im sick, always have been. At its worst I cannot think of anything but death. The guilt, like a 1000 kilos of human emotion weighted on me - your problems, my problems, the whole fucking world's problems. Fuck. Fuck it.