Everything has a value. A plus B minus Z =C. This is the way we are designed, utilitarian structure holding together a very non-linear and abstract mind. This combination, more like a juxtaposition, is what drives me crazy. Which holds dominance in our mind, structure or abstraction? Is it balance of the two that we are looking for? Or is it the combination that makes us all so indecisive yet full of great ideas and visions and dreams of a perfect balance, harmony?

Just a thought.

Anyways, the woman that I spoke of the other day, the one who was crying, I saw her again. She was sitting, cross-legged on the pavement in front of a bus stop. She was smiling and shaking uncontrollably. She waved and smiled at everyone she saw. She was obviously high on heroin or coke or crack or whatever she could get her hands on. I hate to use the cliché that “it’s too bad,” so I wont. Maybe I should be happy for this woman who has found something that gives her life some sort of meaning, even if it is false. It’s like being married to someone who insists that they love you, they tell you everyday without fail, they say that the hurt you feel inside can’t be from the beating you receive every day at their hand. The beating you get that is followed by “I love you, I didn’t mean it. Come back, you wont regret it”

I had a dream (nightmare) last night but I only remember a part of it.

I walked into a dark room. A chair facing away from me sat in the middle of the room, a tv in front of it casting light that filled the room with strange warping shadows. To the right was a couch, on the chair was man watching tv. He didn’t blink, move, notice my presence. I walked to the couch, lifted up the cushion, found a dollar and change. I had the most horrible feeling as I walked out of the room.