So I've met this girl you see. She is great and wonderful and smart and funny and she likes me.

I remember my first crush, I think I was in kindergarten or something. Well anyways, it feels like that everyday.

excuse me while my head explodes. shouldn't take too long

excuse me while my head explodes

excuse me, sir?

yes.

i was wondering why you look like such a sad creature.

go to hell.

I'm not sure whether it's a pseudo-hippy philosophy or some sort of feminist statement or whatever, but to the girl that I saw walking downtown yesterday with the shirt that said "FUCK TAMPONS!," I ask you this:

What exactly is the reason for wearing a shirt like this? Statements are effectively made all the time, the key is to push the limit without being ridiculous and superfluous; which you are being.

So. In conclusion, you are probably not a happy person, maybe your sad that you are a girl and that the world is so oppressive, and that you have to deal with your monthly "girl things."

Well, let me tell you this. Going around being pissed off all the time is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry that the world isn't fair and that god doesn't always shine on you, but jesus, get over yourself.

Go listen to some emo or something, everyone else is doing it.

(oh and if you also support the fucking of tampons, please refrain from commenting because I really don't care.)

excuse my pissed off'edness.

previously, today.

“Is it dead?” male. tall. brown hair.

“It looks like it needs to be impaled.” friend of male #1. also male. large I'm stupid smile. you know what I'm talking about.

“It’s dying.”

“Impale it!”

A black dove sat on the cement, just off of the grass where several automatic sprinklers had recently begun to spray. It couldn’t walk or fly. It just layed there on its belly as everyone walked by, I was waiting for the bus when I saw it.

Anyway, this bird made me think of a lot of things. Well, maybe not the bird itself, more the reaction of the people and the thought that this bird would not live much longer. I started thinking about animals, and why we, as humans, think we can just go around kicking there ass’s and eating them all the time.

I couldn’t figure it out.

So I was going to make another attempt at creating some sort of satire, a thought provoking collection of juxtaposed words. I was trying to zero in on my feelings and how the world looks to me and this particular moment in time, then I thought of a different idea.

So I sat down with my guitar and tried my darndest to recreate my current mood and perception into a song that can be repeated. Maybe to remember how great everything is right now, or maybe just to try and show others some sort of window into my world or whatever other pretentious philosophy I can call it.

or something. whatever.

I wrote a song with my acoustic guitar and recorded it badly, just for you.
1. There are no words. And I like it that way.

If you are one of the two who happen to actually listen to it, do tell me your thoughts. danke.

Here is a nice story to entertain and moralize our great young adults-in-training.

So there was this kid this one time. You know? Are you even paying attention to me? Oh my god did you hear that? Shit, nevermind. Anyways, there was this kid one time and he said he wanted to be a fisherman and an astronaut. Is that door locked? Tell me you locked the door when you came in, for christs sake. Do you know what can happen if you forget to lock your door? Can you fathom the possibilities of anguish and slow torture that could ensue, lest you forget to lock those god damn locks! Jesus have mercy on your soul.

I’ve digressed. Please excuse this absurd behavior.

Anyways. The moral of the story is to always be kind to trees, because trees are your friend.

Here is a nice story to entertain and moralize our great young adults-in-training.

So there was this kid this one time. You know? Are you even paying attention to me? Oh my god did you hear that? Shit, nevermind. Anyways, there was this kid one time and he said he wanted to a fisherman and an astronaut. Is that door locked? Tell me you locked the door when you came in, for christs sake. Do you know what can happen if you forget to lock your door? Can you fathom the possibilities of anguish and slow torture that could ensue, lest you forget to lock those god damn locks! Jesus have mercy on your soul.

I’ve digressed. Please excuse this absurd behavior.

Anyways. The moral of the story is to always be kind to trees, because trees are your friend.

checklist of things to never forget. never never never forget.

1. make sure and be polite if someone gives you an advantage while you are maneuvering your SUV down the road, never, never forget to wave back in visible gratitude. golden rule. golden rule. god shines on good children. golden rule.

2. television is a sin. everyone knows that. oh my god. a sin sin sin. if found watching television, sudden loss of all motivation will commence and slow, decaying apathy will set in. but don't lose the remote. do not. do not ever lose the remote control.

3. tell your mom you love her. always. even if you don't. don't forget, ever.

4. pepsi and coca-cola are ultimately complete opposite genres of liquid beverage. don't forget the commercial that told you all about it. you need to support your beverage of choice with proactive force. just do it.

5. hate all racists because they are degenerates and probably imbred dad said. and by god, if you are racist you shall rot in a pit of flames. but jokes are ok, as long as the N word is kept to a minimum.

6. buy a dog and treat it good.

7. find a girl and get married. oh my god and fast.