I took a short solo venture down to the waterfront park here in Portland today, an occassion that has all but become ritual for me. And as I sat, smokeless due to a decision to quit smoking, I stared around at things. All kinds of things, but people mostly.
A homeless man walked up and sat adjacent myself, offering a cigarette, which I kindly declined. And so he sat, lit up a cigarette, and begain to talk to me. About random things, you know, how he's got this massive headache that is caused by living in society. Stuff like that. A one-sided conversation beautifully orchestrated in to a masterpiece of melancholy, angst, and loneliness.
He ended with a short comment about a famous baseball player who died yesterday. His name I don't recall, forgive me for that. He told me about how sad it was.
That was strange. But holy shit it only got stranger.
I rode the metro to fifth avenue where I could catch the bus home. I sat, waiting for the bus on a cement fence surrounding the court house.
Along came a girl. A blond girl. The model by which valley girl has been classified.
There was a million places for her to sit, the fence was untouched by all but myself.
She sat two feet from me, layed her bags between us, and begain to burn a hole in me. A situation where one would assume that this person is not necessarily just being social. This really, really freaked me out. I'm not necessarily sure why although I could assume that it is because this girl is the absolute last girl I would want to court, despite the fact that the average american male would bow at the opportunity, with slobber dripping chins.
"what brings you down here." She said.
"Just hangin out." I said, weakly, a mild anxiety attack forming like a black cloud above my head.
"Did you go to the blues festival?" She asked, staring straight at me as I stared out the window.
"No. Just hanging out. Hanging out at the waterfront." The silent words, the ones between the audible words, were telling her to stop talking to me. She was freaking me out.
Two guys walked up and proceeded hit on her. They complimented on her shirt, fawning her as a christina applegate clone. They asked her name and gave theirs, pleading that she come drink with them at some totally awesome frat party or something. She said she was eighteen. They walked away silent, saying two words: "Minor comsumption."
She leans to talk to me again.
"Oh my those guys are pathetic."
"Yea."
"Complimenting me on my shirt. Come on."
"yea"
"Do you want some grapes?" She said, extending her arm, revealing a large plastic bag filled with grapes.
"No. Thats alright."
"Are you sure?" Her in-between words saying that she wants a respone, a more human, social, connecting response.
"Yea."
"They're really good."
"That's alright."
"ookkk, your missing out."
This was the beginning of a long, tiring silent time in which she incessantly stared at me. I suppose you had to be there, but she had graduated from a mere flattering annoyance, to an anxiety attack.
I looked up, my bus was sitting there, about to leave.
"oh shit." I said, departing frantically. A relieved feeling welling in my chest.
I got on the bus, turned and sat in an aisle seat in the rear of the bus. She was behind me, coincidently she sat directly across the aisle, still burning a hole in me.
At one point she dropped her keys, possibly accidently but probably not, directly between us in the aisle. I saw in my peripheral that she bent down abnormally slowly to pick them up.
I said nothing and got off at my stop. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. I'm taken anyways, girls.
A homeless man walked up and sat adjacent myself, offering a cigarette, which I kindly declined. And so he sat, lit up a cigarette, and begain to talk to me. About random things, you know, how he's got this massive headache that is caused by living in society. Stuff like that. A one-sided conversation beautifully orchestrated in to a masterpiece of melancholy, angst, and loneliness.
He ended with a short comment about a famous baseball player who died yesterday. His name I don't recall, forgive me for that. He told me about how sad it was.
That was strange. But holy shit it only got stranger.
I rode the metro to fifth avenue where I could catch the bus home. I sat, waiting for the bus on a cement fence surrounding the court house.
Along came a girl. A blond girl. The model by which valley girl has been classified.
There was a million places for her to sit, the fence was untouched by all but myself.
She sat two feet from me, layed her bags between us, and begain to burn a hole in me. A situation where one would assume that this person is not necessarily just being social. This really, really freaked me out. I'm not necessarily sure why although I could assume that it is because this girl is the absolute last girl I would want to court, despite the fact that the average american male would bow at the opportunity, with slobber dripping chins.
"what brings you down here." She said.
"Just hangin out." I said, weakly, a mild anxiety attack forming like a black cloud above my head.
"Did you go to the blues festival?" She asked, staring straight at me as I stared out the window.
"No. Just hanging out. Hanging out at the waterfront." The silent words, the ones between the audible words, were telling her to stop talking to me. She was freaking me out.
Two guys walked up and proceeded hit on her. They complimented on her shirt, fawning her as a christina applegate clone. They asked her name and gave theirs, pleading that she come drink with them at some totally awesome frat party or something. She said she was eighteen. They walked away silent, saying two words: "Minor comsumption."
She leans to talk to me again.
"Oh my those guys are pathetic."
"Yea."
"Complimenting me on my shirt. Come on."
"yea"
"Do you want some grapes?" She said, extending her arm, revealing a large plastic bag filled with grapes.
"No. Thats alright."
"Are you sure?" Her in-between words saying that she wants a respone, a more human, social, connecting response.
"Yea."
"They're really good."
"That's alright."
"ookkk, your missing out."
This was the beginning of a long, tiring silent time in which she incessantly stared at me. I suppose you had to be there, but she had graduated from a mere flattering annoyance, to an anxiety attack.
I looked up, my bus was sitting there, about to leave.
"oh shit." I said, departing frantically. A relieved feeling welling in my chest.
I got on the bus, turned and sat in an aisle seat in the rear of the bus. She was behind me, coincidently she sat directly across the aisle, still burning a hole in me.
At one point she dropped her keys, possibly accidently but probably not, directly between us in the aisle. I saw in my peripheral that she bent down abnormally slowly to pick them up.
I said nothing and got off at my stop. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. I'm taken anyways, girls.
posted by josh @ 7:54 PM
