There is nothing like finding a song that fits your mood perfectly, you know? I am listening to Grandaddy-So youll aim toward the sky, an excellent band that was recommended to me by my friend Andrew. This is the perfect song for me right now.

Tonight I will call my father, now, that may sound like nothing unusual, but trust me, it is. The amount of times I have talked to my father can be counted on my fingers. I am so nervous. Its so strange because, I came from him, his blood is running through my veins, yet I don't even know him.

I will be living about 30 miles away from him when I go to college, in less then two months. I am not sure what I am going to say to him, or what he will say to me. I think, if he had made any attempt at keeping in touch with me, it wouldn't be so bad. But, I haven't recieved a birthday card, or a christmas present since I can remember. Shit, he called about a year ago, but he was looking for my sister. He sounded genuinly happy to hear me, but how do you judge someones honesty when you don't know them?

But anyway, maybe its not as bad as I am making it out to be. I guess I will know tonight.

Waking to the horrible sound of bad country music coming from my alarm clock, I stumbled out of bed to the kitchen. I poured myself some lucky charms, only to find out that there was only half a bowl left. So, I opened the cupboards once more and filled the rest of the bowl with rice krispies. A great concoction, if I may say so myself.
I showered, making sure to get behind my ears and between my toes (insert sarcasm here). I methodically brushed my teeth, washed my face, and messed up my hair.
I put my coat on, walking toward the door that only leads to the inevitable. Cold. Piercing cold, like nails being driven in to any uncovered flesh.

It was different though.

I stepped out the doorway into six inches of fresh white powder, something I have come to know as "snow." Although, it has been noted that many people around these parts refer to it as, "what the fuck? shit!."

I drove to work, put on my work boots, snow pants, and beanie.

Once I had been properly suited I walked out to the snow, turned around 360 degrees, and fell backwards, landing on my back, where I flailed my arms and legs like a madman trying to signal a passing airplane. I got up, turned around, and looked at my great creation.

This was the best damn snow angel I had ever made.

I saw an old friend this morning, an old band member actually. He sang and played lead guitar for my first attempt at a band. It was quite strange seeing him, for a while I had thought that our friendship had been decapitated. He was genuinly happy to see me, a feeling reciprocated by me. He told me that he has another band now, and that he wants me to play with them (I play drums, btw). I was astonished, of course I want to play with him. I love playing music, its a creative outlet that I miss so very much. I spend countless hours wailing on my acoustic guitar, just trying to reach that feeling of completion that only comes from creating something wonderful.

We have plans for this weekend.

We became friends just at the time when we were coming out of childhood, the short window where you aren't quite a child anymore, but you still don't bare the stresses of adulthood. It was a great time for me. We spent countless hours playing music, and just generally having fun. We didn't have a care in the world. We started to get older, and the stresses started to get stronger, and as we searched for ways to avoid adulthood, we slowly fell apart. It was quite a shame. I hope that we don't lose touch when I leave for college, because he is such a great person.

When I was a kid I would often slip my tiny feet into my step-dads shoes. It felt so strange, because they didn’t fit, at all. I would try to walk but would eventually trip and fall. Well, this is what my life feels like right now. except I can’t just pull my feet out, I have to wait till I grow in to these new shoes that don’t fit. I have a feeling it will be quite a while.

I went to my sisters house yesterday. Its amazing how she has her life set in stone already. She is one year older then me, twenty. I can’t imagine myself as stable as her. She is married, has seven month old kid, a mortgage, a four year car loan, a huge tv, and many other amenities. I look at her and wonder where and how she became such a strong person.

When we were kids we would often fight over the stupidest little things, which I think is quite normal, a right of passage even. We would shout nasty insults at each other like nobodys business. When we got a little older we became good friends, I have found that my sister is a great person. Younger brothers always look up to older siblings, as was the case for me. I would watch her, making sure I caught every detail, so I could mimic it later. So that I would look as cool to my friends as she looked to me. She is a strong person, and I envy her for that.

I think that, while she is very happy and content, starting a life and family at such a young age puts a stop towards truly finding yourself. Since I got out of highschool I have really discovered myself, now that there aren’t a thousand eyes judging me, it feels like I can open up more. Like I can let my true self out. After years of wanting to be someone else, wanting to be anyone but me, I have finally begain to realize that maybe its not so bad being me. You know? I mean, It seems like I am meeting an old friend, a kind friend who only wants the best for me.

oh my good lord. I have just been notified that I am a blog of note at blogger. I am so incredibly honored, I am speechless in fact. That explains the sudden surge of guestbook entries and comments.

I welcome all my new readers, hopefully you will find this to be an entertaining weblog. I have, and continue to pour my heart in to it.

I updated the 'myself' page, it now includes a picture. which may or may not stay up, I am not sure.

I've recieved so many nice comments and guestbook entries over the last couple days. Thank you so much, If I could, I would give you all bright shiny green stickers that say, "somebody loves me."