looking out at streets lined with faces. a soft beam of light rests on the face of a woman, lying in a street corner out of view from the commoners. but I see her. a small tear slowly builds and travels to her chin, where gravity takes over and pulls it to the ground. i can see through her, in to her aged and aching mind. she lives in a constant state of rejection where her only friend is herself. she is quiet, shy, melancholic, and hurting. yet no one will help her. her family has passed on. she is the essence of loneliness, yet she goes unnoticed. and I too cry, because I too am a commoner, a passerby void in feeling.

oh damn it. now my comments are gone. shit

>>edit>> ok, i got them working again. blogback updgraded and i have to jump through some hoops to keep my old comments. so ill do that later.

so, 7:00 in the morning I woke up with this horrible pain in my jaw. I took a percocet and two ibuprofins, hoping to alleviate at least a portion of the pain.. It hurt like hell for another forty five minutes until I finally fell asleep again. I woke up at 9:00, looked in the mirror to discover a streak of blood across my face. I went back to my bed and noticed a fairly large blood stain on my sheet where my face was. This, my friend, is not good at all. Or maybe its just part of the healing process? If its bad, don't tell me, because I don't want to know. But anyways, I've got another lengthy day of doing nothing.
Belle and Sabastian - A space boy dream.mp3
I have been absolutely infatuated with this song lately, I recommend you download it.. and tell me what you think.

I am so incredibly bored right now that I can't stand it. As I look around I notice the things that I never care about. How the sheets on my bed aren't quite on right, and how the soda cans have been slowly collecting around my computer, how my clothes are tossed carelessly on to the floor next to my dresser. My mind is used to having to think constantly, and now that there is nothing to focus on it seems as though I am attempting to focus on anything. the little, mundane, boring things that surround me in my everyday life.
I have been writing a lot today, just jotting random thoughts into my personal journal. perhaps, if I get bored enough, Ill post one here later. who knows.

It is now 10:53 pm, I had my wisdom teeth taken out at 1:30 pm. My face is just now loosing its numbness, a slow and insensible return to feeling. All day it has felt like my face was literally falling off, leaving only my teeth exposed. Several times today I have noticed blood trickling through the corners of my mouth, and furthur investigation revealed that my entire mouth was filled with blood. So, I spit the excess blood out, ate some pain killers, and have been relaxing to the beautiful sounds of belle and sabastain all day. Tomorrow is a day off from work, and I am oh-so happy about that. My days off are usually restricted to sunday, saturday too if I'm lucky. I can't even remember the last time I had a day off mid-week. I plan on doing nothing, absolutely nothing. I will sit here quietly listening to the sweet sounds of radiohead, belle and sabastian, elliot smith, all day. I need that. I haven't been able to let my mind relax in weeks. With work, and my future move, and a bad situation a good friend of mine has put himself in, my mind has been working overtime and its really starting to eat me away.

But anywyays, I will either be posting more or less tomorrow. I am not really sure.

a trickle of blood slowly travels down my chin, dripping on to my shirt. My head is clouded by the narcotic pain pills taken just a few moments prior. this is what I see when I look in the mirror, which I have been avoiding like the plague. Enlarged face. Pain. Redness. no wisdom teeth

Ben Folds - fred jones part 2.mp3
This is the song I was talking about in my previous entry. It's a great song, and I want to share it with you. So let me know what you think..

I have been feeling particularly vulnerable today. I am not exactly sure why. On my trip to anchorage to see the dentist today I was listening to ben folds. When the song “fred jones pt.2” came on I was overcome with emotion. I nearly cried right there, and if my stepdad hadn’t have been sitting about two feet from me, I would have. I wish I knew why this happens to me. I feel so incredibly moody sometimes. It doesn’t take more then one word to completely change my outlook. Things that make me smile one day will make me cringe on another.

anyway, the dentist wouldn’t remove my wisdom teeth because I had eaten something in the previous four hours. they were very rude about the whole situation. I ended up setting an appointment for tomorrow, this time I will have an empty stomach. The doctor made the mistake of prescribing my pain medication before I actually needed it. Percocet, ah. They told me not to take any of it until tomorrow. How the hell am I supposed to do that? So I ate one of the pills about a half hour ago, and I am quite enjoying it.

new design, I dont have it completey set up yet so bear with me.. I'll finish it tomorrow, I have to be up in 6 hours so I am going to bed.

what do you think?

I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. oh god.

I was disappointed to find out that shae and richelle couldn't meet les and I in anchorage this weekend, but, through tears we decided to go with out them. So we booked our reservations, filled our gas tank and left. We didn't really have any purpose for going, we just felt like it. And damn it, I am sick of being stuck in this town all the time.
We ended up going to the showboat strip club, which for me was a big waste of time. Les has a more detailed account of the happenings there.

I may post more about it later, but for now you can check out some pictures from the trip.