Isn't it strange how when you are having a good day, you look in the mirror and see the reflection you want. But on bad days, you look in the mirror and are appalled? Sometimes I feel full of life and it feels as though nothing will stop me. Then, like night and day, I shrink in apathy. Only wanting to hide from everything and everyone.
why does everything have to be so fucking complicated sometimes?

I knew it was coming, and now it's here. I awoke this morning to snow. Only about an inch or so, but it's snow. When I got to work I through some snowballs at my co-workers, its just something I have to do on the first snowfall.

Living out of town I see a lot of cars coming in from the pass, mostly from Anchorage and Seward. Normally this has no significance and I dont care.. But today was different, driving home tonight I saw car-after-car covered in snow.
Snow is on its way, and to be honest I am getting a little excited. The feeling in your chest when you see the first flakes start to fall, the feeling you get when you make your first snowman of the winter. Its great. I am really not looking forward to the extreme cold weather though. Living in Alaska definately has its low points. And I feel it coming.

Im incredibly pissed off right now. I lost my tax return papers from last year, which I needed to file for a federal grant for college. I looked through everything, its gone. I called the irs and ordered a transcript of my tax return but it wont be here for 10 to 15 days.
shit shit shit

I hate it when I misread someone and am to quick to defend myself. A comment made this morning really pissed me off, although I was later to find out that it was completely unfounded. I spent most of the morning mending a mistake I had made. Damn it, Im usually the person to step back and evaluate the situation before jumping the gun.. So when I do fuck up I usually feel perplexed and stunned. As was the case this morning.

In my somewhat vain attempt at quitting smoking I have taken up smoking cigars. Now I know this is a bit ironic, but it makes sense in my head. And damn it, those cherry swisher sweets taste great. My craving for cigarettes has depleted, I can (almost) honestly say that I don't even want one.

Shades of brown and white slowly mix in a whirlpool of color. Ice cubes float like battleships in pursuit of the enemy. The taste. The taste is a sweet mix of sensuality and texture, engulfing my mouth and tempting my taste buds.

I have been enjoying my new espresso maker very much today. Iced white-chocolate mocha's are something I have been spending far too much money on lately at the local coffee shops. Making them at home will save me so much money. Thank god for coffee.

I walked down the the stairs, counting my steps in a daze of alcohol induced disorientation. I noticed that my friend hadn't been seen in almost an hour so I went looking. The blue truck seemed to pulsate in the black of the night. His head was hunched over the steering wheel. I knocked. No answer. I opened the door, the seemingly lifeless body begain to show signs of life. Soft, slurred, quiet words resonated.
"The stairs looked so far away, and I'm so tired"

Just some interesting happenings from last night. Today is my birthday, Im nineteen. Nothing feels different though, I never expected anything to change I guess. I miss the days when I was a small child, birthdays were a monumental occasion that left me feeling good for days. weeks. It just doesn't affect me that way it did then.